'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
