there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
