This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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