my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
