whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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