Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
