i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
