after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
