I can text with my tongue
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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