she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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