my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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