so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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