Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
