Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
