Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
