i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
