I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
