New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
