i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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