I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
