Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
