easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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