I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
