And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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