dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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