woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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