so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
