You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
