Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
