so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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