So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
