I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
