WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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