why didn't you poke me back
Apparently you make a good broom.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
