I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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