Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
In America we eat man semen.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
