Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
