i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
