Tell her she can't have a vagina
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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