There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
