omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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