Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Be still, my beating vagina.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
