I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Randomize
