But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
