I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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