I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
