ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize