I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
