didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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