he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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