is your mom at the bar?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
