You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
