I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
