I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
