This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
