But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
