trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
