There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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