This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
