Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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