Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize