I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
