that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
