I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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